Saving Her Shadow Read online

  Chapter 9

  Raina and her parents looked around as Abby entered the office. Her braid was fuzzy, her eyes squinted as though just waking from sleep.

  “I heard a scream,” she said, rubbing eyes fixed on Raina. “It woke me up.” She stopped in front of her sister. “Are you okay?”

  Jennifer stood and took Abby’s hand. “Let’s go back to your room.”

  “Let her stay,” Ken said. “Abby needs to learn what happens when one is disobedient.”

  It was clear Abby had been kept in the dark about what was happening with Raina. In controlled environments, such as the one the Nation cultivated, it wasn’t hard to do.

  “What did you do, sister?”

  “I took a ride from an unsanctioned, and left school without asking.”

  Abby slowly shook her head. “You’re going to have to go deep for a very long time.”

  “She is not going deep, Abby. Raina is going away.”

  “You mean it? You’re really kicking me out? Now? Tonight?” Raina tried to keep it together but was heading straight into pre-freak-out mode.

  “Yes,” Ken said.

  “Where will I go?” She hated the high-pitched girly tone her anxiety created, almost as much as the knot that found its way to her stomach. Crossing the room, she stood in front of Jennifer.

  “Mother? Do I have to leave?”

  Jennifer looked at Ken. Her eyes pleaded briefly, but she said nothing, before her expression became resigned.

  “Where am I supposed to go?” Raina repeated. Since the Council had spoken, she knew no one in the community would take her into their home.

  “Figure it out.” He shrugged. “It’s what grown folk do.”

  “Kenneth—”

  “Silence, wife.” Ken raised his voice for the first time all night.

  Raina watched Jennifer swallow a mouthful of words. Her mother’s fear morphed into Raina’s own as the weight of Ken’s words crashed into her conscience.

  “Her actions have placed her outside of the orb of illumination,” Ken explained to Jennifer, as if she were new to the faith. “She has broken covenant. Stepped into uncertainty. Defied our instruction in a way that impacted our entire community and the church. That has placed my promotion in jeopardy and stained our family. Until she goes before the Council, admits her transgressions and recommits to the Illumination exercises they demand, she will be treated as though already obscured.”

  “No, Father!” Abby cried.

  “Please, Father. You’re a Grand Seer. They listen to you. If you explain that this won’t ever happen again, they’ll reconsider.”

  “What I say will have no impact. It’s above me, now.”

  Everyone in the Illumination knew what obscured meant—pretty much put out of her family’s lives. The Amish were shunned. The FLDS were kicked out. Catholics were ex-communicated. Baptists were given the left foot of fellowship. The Illuminated were obscured, the most severe rebuke a member could face. Raina had never fully embraced the religion, but for the past eight years it had been a huge part of her life. But none of the members would help her now. She had little money, not enough for a hotel. And even if she did, what good would that do? She’d get a room and then what? Suddenly the society she longed to be a part of seemed scary and huge. Except for her time at school, and stolen moments like those that had led her here, she hadn’t navigated the outside world unchaperoned by an Illuminated Vessel, Beam, or Elder since she was ten years old. Suddenly, that very much mattered. On the precipice of being separated from her family, especially Abby, Raina found herself clinging to the very faith she’d rejected.

  “Contact the Council as soon as possible,” Jennifer said. “Perhaps they’ll have mercy on you and allow you to return home while you are rehabilitated, if you are not obscured.”

  It was the smallest of lifelines, but Raina grabbed on with both hands. Her mind whirled with thoughts of how to get through these next hours. She willed herself calm, and focused. It was late, past ten o’clock. But if the Council could be reached tonight, she might get an appointment as early as tomorrow. Jackie had asked to be contacted. Could that be where she spent the night? Going to the home of an unsanctioned wasn’t the best of moves for reillumination, but right now it was the only choice she had. One night. Less than twenty-four hours and she’d be back home. It would be her first time away from her family. But she could do it.

  “Come on, Sha—Abby,” she said to her little sister, speaking with a confidence she didn’t feel. “I’ve got to go. You can help me pack.”

  She reached out her hand. Abby grabbed it without hesitation. They turned to leave.

  “Abigail.”

  Ken’s stern, raised voice caused Raina to flinch. She stopped and turned.

  “Stay. Right. There,” he continued, speaking to Abby, looking at Raina.

  Abby’s hazel eyes shone with unshed tears as she looked at the sister she obviously adored. The fear and uncertainty Raina saw there broke her heart and had her hand itching to punch Ken in the throat. Anger shot up and over the fear she’d felt just seconds before. With every year that passed, Ken became more of a bully in her eyes, and with each promotion in the Nation, more controlling of their family. Her mother had changed so much since marrying Ken. Abby was the one good thing that had come from his presence in their lives. Raina would be “dimmed” if he tore them apart.

  “Why can’t she come with me?” Raina asked, almost as a dare. “Doesn’t she have enough light within her to chance a few moments with one almost obscured?”

  The truth of the matter was that in that moment Raina needed her sister much more than the other way around. She was currently in shock, but even so knew that pure panic was just around the corner, followed by beyond terrified. Abby would give her the calmness she needed to get through the next few minutes.

  Abby looked at her father. His lips didn’t move, but no was all over his face.

  “Please, Father,” Abby pleaded.

  “They won’t be long,” Jennifer said.

  Ken looked at his watch. “You’re right. Raina’s already wasted five minutes. Your thirty-minute timeframe to pack is now twenty-five.”

  Raina turned her eyes to Jennifer, her mother’s face blurred by an onslaught of tears. “Mom? I’m sorry. Can’t I . . .”

  “Shh,” Jennifer said quietly. “The Grand Seer has spoken.” Her voice was soft, yet firm. Still, love infused what she said next.

  “Speak to the Council. I believe you indeed are sorry, Raina. Your actions have jeopardized our family, but I believe you can be restored with the power of Light.”

  Jennifer looked to Ken as she finished, her expression a question.

  “You have dimmed to the point of being ghosted,” Ken said. “Reillumination is possible. Whether or not it is allowed is what only time will tell.” Ken looked at his watch. “Twenty minutes.”

  Raina nodded, resigned to her fate. She was leaving her family, but there was a way back. Jennifer would also work behind the scenes, speaking to the elders’ wives, championing her case with the influential Sun Vessels. Raina was sure of it.

  “Father, may I help her pack?” Abby asked, even as she reached for Raina’s hand.

  Ken nodded. Raina gave in to an indescribable urge and went over to hug Ken. Perhaps it was for the mercy she hoped he’d show later. Perhaps for the hint of grace he showed now.

  “Thank you, Father,” she said sincerely. “Thank you, Mother.”

  She hugged Jennifer and then hurried to her room. Abby, her shadow, was hot on her heels.

  Once in her room, a full-on boohoo threatened. But with Abby watching her every move, Raina stayed strong. She walked into her messy closet and pulled out a suitcase, then on second thought reached for the carry-on instead. She would call the Council tomorrow, set up a meeting ASAP. If she convinced the members that her regret was sincere, perhaps she could work on her reillumination from home. She gave Abby a wink, then pulled a few items from their h
angers and tossed them in the luggage. She crossed to the chest of drawers and pulled out underwear, covertly slid in a couple of cute options, then crossed over to the bathroom she and Abby shared and gathered her toiletries. Abby, like always, was two steps behind her.

  “Where will you go?” she whispered.

  “To a friend’s house,” Raina said, again thinking of Jackie. She stopped packing, reached for her phone, and sent her a text.

  Plz come to park NOW. 911. Will explain. PLZ!!!

  “Who is this friend? One of us?” Abby pressed.

  “No, Shadow. I’m suspended from the family. No one in the Rising can take me in.”

  “So . . . your friend isn’t Illuminated?”

  “No, but she’s nice.” Raina walked into the closet, pulled out a pair of sneakers to go with her boots.

  Jackie was the only person Raina knew well enough to ask for such a big favor. Monica would also be willing, but if Jennifer found out she was visiting the Wilsons, friends from their old life, she would not be pleased. That both were unsanctioned was only one of two worries, but Raina’s packing time was down to ten minutes. She couldn’t think about that now.

  Abby’s eyes became misty. “Sister, I’m scared.”

  Raina tossed the shoes into the suitcase and knelt before Abby. “I know, Shadow. I am, too. But you heard Father and Mother. There is no choice. I’m going to call the Council first thing tomorrow. I’ll apologize and do whatever they ask me, to once again be a purified vessel, just like you.”

  “Why did you go off with them, and get yourself dirty?” Abby asked.

  Gurllllll . . . Raina almost laughed out loud as the sound of Jackie’s voice invaded her ear. It was the first light moment she’d had since Jennifer appeared in the doorway. Raina had no doubt that being with the girls was bad enough, but learning that a boy was involved was probably why the Council became involved. They needn’t have worried about that. Aside from flirting, kissing, and a little touchy-feeling, nothing had happened between her and Bryce. But Raina had gone off with outsiders and spent time alone with an unsanctioned male. And worse than that, she’d liked it.

  “I wasn’t thinking,” Raina patiently said. “I showed you what not to do.”

  Abby wasn’t happy. “And now you’re going to hang around them again!”

  “Yes, but hopefully only overnight.”

  “Raina, I hate this. I’m going to miss you. We’ve never spent more than a few hours apart.”

  “Consider this practice for when I leave for college. And remember, you’re my shadow. Not even distance can keep us apart.”

  Abby nodded, then looked toward the closed door. She stepped close and whispered in Raina’s ear. “Can we sing the shadow song?”

  Raina smiled. She’d made up the ditty a couple years ago, on a sad night when the family cat died and Abby learned that nothing lasted forever. It was forbidden, of course, and hadn’t been sung often. The last time was months ago.

  “If I move to the right,” Raina began softly, taking a step.

  “You’ve got a shadow,” Abby said, mimicking her movement.

  “To the left, cross step.” Raina crossed the other way, then spun around.

  “Shadows all around.” Abby took over the lead. “When I move you move.”

  Raina nodded, “Just like a shadow.”

  “When I groove you groove.”

  “Your forever shadow now.”

  Raina pulled Abby in for a hug. “Do you still feel good? You don’t usually take naps.”

  “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Well, that explains it.”

  Ken called out. “Raina!”

  It was time to go. She reached for her tablet and placed it in a backpack. She wished for a private moment with her mother, but Jennifer had gone downstairs. By Ken’s orders, Raina assumed. Her heart rent just a bit. Raina ignored it. She took one final look around and headed toward the door.

  “Raina, wait.” Abby walked over to the nightstand and picked up Raina’s personalized Book of Light, the organization’s bible that Ken had given her when she turned thirteen. “Here.”

  “Thank you, Abby.” Raina slipped it into the backpack and fastened the lock. “Give me a hug.”

  “Raina?”

  Jennifer’s voice floated up the stairs. Raina hugged Abby tighter. “Can you keep a secret?” she whispered.

  She felt Abby’s enthusiastic nod against her shoulder.

  “Between you and me, you will always be my shadow.”

  After a kiss on the cheek she grabbed her coat and walked out of the room. Her cell phone pinged. She stopped and checked it. Jackie was on the way and would meet her behind the park. Raina hoisted the backpack. Abby reached for the carry-on’s handle and followed Raina downstairs. Her parents were solemn as she passed them. She took in the disappointment in her mother’s eyes.

  “Sorry, Mother,” she mumbled.

  “Me too,” Jennifer said.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “I hope so. I pray the Light covers and protects you.”

  “I’ll call the Council tomorrow.”

  Jennifer nodded.

  Raina hugged her, whispered a hasty I love you, and walked into the frigid night.

  Chapter 10

  She welcomed the cold. If tears fell, they’d freeze. Not wanting her exile to be watched by security via the community cameras, she cut around the side of the house and followed the walking trail behind their block to the back side of the park. She pulled a knit cap and matching mittens from her coat pockets, jammed them on as she neared the loose plank near the end of the fence. It was dark. The moon was full. With a quick look around her she moved the wood aside, ran across the short park lawn, and up to the black idling Mustang.

  “What the hell?” was Jackie’s greeting, as she noted Raina’s bag. “What’s going on?”

  “I got kicked out.”

  “Word?”

  “Yep.”

  Jackie put the car in gear and eased out of the park. Just as they reached the corner, a light flashed from across the street.

  “Security,” Raina mumbled. Wouldn’t be long before the tags were run and her father would know where she was, or at least the registrant of the car that had picked her up. Which probably meant he’d know about Bryce.

  “They know about the video?”

  “No, thank the stars. Told them we went to a movie and on the way back the car broke down.”

  “And they kicked you out for that?”

  “No, that happened because I lied.”

  “A pretty harsh consequence for something everyone does at one time or another.” Jackie shook her head. “You and that crazy religion.”

  “Not crazy, just different,” Raina snapped.

  “I guess it looks that way if you’re in it. But I didn’t mean to offend you. Sorry.”

  “No, it’s me.” To say she was on edge was putting it lightly. “Looking back, I should have answered my phone. They thought I’d gone missing, had the whole community out looking for me. Everyone knows what I did. My dad is an elder. It makes him look bad. My whole family is affected. I’ve screwed up.”

  The weight of her mistake began sinking in. Raina’s throat constricted. Tears pushed against her lids.

  “I wish I hadn’t told you about the video shoot.”

  “It’s not your fault. When you asked if I wanted to be in it, which meant skipping school, leaving town, and lying to my parents, I could have said no.”

  “And pass up what looked like the chance of a lifetime with a fool-proof plan? Don’t be so hard on yourself. If we hadn’t had car trouble they wouldn’t know anything.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. The Illumination has eyes everywhere, including the police force.” Jackie glanced over. “I’m almost sure that’s how he had the pictures to prove I lied.”

  “Pictures? Of what?”

  “Us leaving school. Me getting into the car. The Mustang leaving town. Dad pulled them o
ut after I said I’d been in the library.”

  “Girlllll . . . no. What did you do?”

  “Almost died.”

  “I’d be dead, too. Are you sure your heart is beating? You’d better check.”

  Raina managed a slight smile. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “We were all worried. I’m glad I could use Bryce’s car.” They reached a red light. “What are you going to do? Where am I taking you?”

  “I was hoping your house?” Raina tentatively asked.

  “We can try,” Jackie responded, shaking her head. “Just remember Mama’s a prosecutor. Get ready for a cross-examination.”

  The light turned green.

  “So . . . what happened when you went into the house?”

  She shook her head as tears fell. The question took Raina back into her father’s study. She remembered his eyes when he looked at her and was now sure that disappointment was one of the emotions he felt. Shame was another.

  “That’s all right. I wouldn’t want to relive it either.”

  Conversation faded. Jackie turned up the radio. Raina stared out the window. As they rode down the streets of Chippewa, she once again marveled how a community minutes outside of a town could look and feel like a whole world away. Last month, in Lucent Rising, a subdivision owned by the church and where more than seventy-five percent of its seven hundred and fifty residents were church members, there had been no hint of yuletide cheer, not even a peppermint candy. Yet within city limits, Santa Clauses and Christmas lights had been replaced by Cupid shooting hearts with his bow and arrow. There would be no Valentine decorations where Raina lived. And for now it seemed, not much love for her in the Reed household either.

  Jackie pulled into the McFaddens’ two-car driveway, and despite Raina having been temporarily obscured, seeing the house, with its warm brick façade, big picture windows, and majestic elm trees swaying against the expansive sky, it felt tonight as it had in the past—made the night feel less sad.

  Jackie turned off the engine and reached for her purse.