Saving Her Shadow Read online

  * * *

  It happened the second time Raina had made the tutoring deal with the phys ed coach and snuck away from school to the home of an unsanctioned. As she sat nestled in a beanbag chair in Jackie’s room, doing homework, looking at magazines and listening to the latest hip-hop jams, a current of excitement hummed through her on the waves of the musical beats. It wasn’t only the thrill of being somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be, but of possibly seeing Bryce. From the moment of that first encounter her sophomore year, when he’d picked up Jackie, she’d been smitten. He’d occupied many of her waking thoughts and more than a few times had invaded her dreams as well. Over the next year, while he was off attending college, they chatted via text, social media, and Skype, and her feelings for him deepened. Those rare times when she saw him, even in public surrounded by others, he became the only person there. His presence did strange things to her insides, made her tingle in places that were not to be touched, even by her, and were definitely off-limits to the opposite sex. Beyond the description that the act was strictly for married couples and created only to bring little lights into the world, there was no sex education in the Illumination. These physical reactions to Bryce confused her, even shamed her, because sometimes, most times, she enjoyed them.

  An hour passed before they heard the telltale signs of Bryce coming home, his heavy sneakers making contact with the shiny hardwood floor, his voice deep and melodic, as he interacted with Valarie. His laugh causing tingles as if meant for Raina alone. She steeled her body against seeing him again. A knock at the door turned her spine to noodles. She slunk deeper into the oversized beanbag she occupied, raised the magazine she held to shield part of her face, and repeated the mantra, unclean.

  “Come on, cuz!” Jackie yelled.

  Bryce opened the door and with one look Raina swore she could find nothing dirty about him. The gravity of her situation temporarily kept her subdued, but her heart still flipped a little.

  He looked at her, or rather, devoured her. His eyes, warm. His smile, easy. His body toned, but loose. He leaned against the doorjamb. “What’s up, Rainbow?”

  Raina giggled. “It’s Raina.”

  “Rain causes rainbows, right?”

  It became his nickname for her, the only one she had to this day.

  “What are you doing here?” He looked over at Jackie. “Working on a school project?”

  “What’s it look like,” Jackie said.

  Raina said nothing. She kept her eyes glued to the magazine in front of her. One look at his face, those bedroom eyes, those juicy lips, and no way would those words come out.

  “Hey, Rainbow. Why don’t you come hollah at me when you finish your homework?”

  Jackie let out an exasperated sigh. “You trying to get kicked out of here? You know Mama don’t play that.”

  Bryce raised up from the doorjamb. “I guess you’re right,” he said, his smile still easy, as though he knew what she said was a lie. He blew her a kiss. “It’s cool. There’s always next time. Sweet dreams.”

  Needless to say, Raina got very little work done after Bryce left. A few minutes later, she decided to leave, too, get back to the center before her parents arrived for Tuesday Teachings, the words of founder Daniel R. Best. She made it back to the center before they arrived, slipped into the lecture moments before her dad walked out onto the podium and her mother took a seat in the second row of the auditorium. But had someone asked her what was discussed that night, she wouldn’t have been able to tell them. She spent the evening thinking about Bryce . . . and next time.

  * * *

  A loud horn jerked Raina back to the present. She looked up to see a red Kia inches from her hip, and a woman glaring at her through the window.

  “Sorry,” she offered, as she threw up a hand to hurry out of the intersection.

  “Little girl, you’d better watch where you’re go—Raina?”

  Raina held up her hands, a nonverbal apology. Not only had she absentmindedly walked into an intersection, but she’d almost gotten run over by someone she knew? In a section of town where the unsanctioned resided? It wouldn’t matter that she’d basically been kicked out of Lucent Rising. They’d still judge her for being there, unchaperoned to boot. This. Was just. Great.

  She turned around, squinted, shielded her eyes against the sun.

  “It’s Bev, Monica’s mother.”

  “Oh.” Relief flooded through her, as upon closer examination the face was indeed one she recognized. “Hi, Miss Bev.”

  “No miss. Just Bev. Get in the car. I’ll give you a ride.”

  And discover she was staying with the McFaddens? “Um, no thank you. I’m fine.”

  “Yes, I saw fine. It almost got you run over. Now get in so I can take you over to Val’s.”

  Raina’s jaw dropped. At the same time she realized her fingers were frozen. She hurried to the car and got in.

  Raina knew Bev Wilson from Kansas City, where she and Jennifer were acquainted. She’d seen Monica’s mom a few months ago, but with the black hair she remembered now platinum blond, there’d been zero recognition.

  “Does everyone in town know I’m not living with my parents?”

  “Only the ones you told. And me, because Monica can’t hold water. She tells me everything.”

  Good to know.

  “How’s Jennifer doing, married to that robot, Ken?”

  Raina chuckled. “She’s fine.”

  “I sure hope so. She’s changed so much since getting married to him. First time I saw her after moving here? I hardly recognized her.”

  Raina remembered that day four years ago. It was just after the Chippewa Health Center had been built and brought a bit of a boon to the town’s fledging economy. She and Jennifer were shopping at the Dollar Discount when the sound of laughter from another aisle led to a strange reaction. Jennifer had put down the basket of goods she carried and headed toward the door.

  “Let’s go.”

  “Mom, wait. What—”

  “Just come on. I . . . forgot about something I need to do.”

  Raina had hurried to catch up with her. They’d just reached the door when Raina turned around and saw someone else making a hasty move toward the exit. It was a pretty woman she’d never seen before, but who was smiling like she knew her.

  “Jennifer!”

  Jennifer stopped without turning. The woman caught up to them. “Girl, I can’t believe it! I thought that was you. I saw you in the aisle a few minutes ago but thought no, couldn’t be. Then I heard your voice. What in the heck are you doing down here? Working at the clinic, too?”

  In the face of the woman’s overt friendliness, Raina remembered how distant her mom had acted.

  “Who’s this? Your daughter?” She’d looked between them. “Raina? Is that you?”

  Raina, disconcerted about how unfriendly her mother was acting, had simply nodded.

  “Girl, you’ve grown! How old are you now?”

  Jennifer had cut off the conversation, and later Raina’s questions, all of which only made her curiosity grow. It wasn’t until after becoming friends with Monica during her freshman year at Chippewa that she ran into the friendly lady again. That’s when she learned how Bev knew Jennifer. And that her mother had a past that she wanted forgotten.

  “Don’t you have a sister?” Bev was asking when Raina tuned back into the present again.

  “Yes, Shadow. I mean, Abby.”

  “Shadow’s her nickname?” Raina nodded. “Why, because she follows you everywhere?”

  Raina laughed. “Exactly. How did you know?”

  “I have one of those, too. Her name is Wanda. How old is your little sister?”

  “Eight.”

  “No more siblings?”

  “No, just her.”

  “I bet she misses you not being home.”

  “I miss her, too. I hope she’s okay.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “She . . . wasn’t feeling well the nigh
t that I left her.”

  “Hmm, I see.” Bev reached a yellow light. Rather than run through it she eased to a stop. “I’m a firm believer in each to his own, but no one could have told me your mother would become a part of that ill nation. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging. It’s just that the woman she is now is nothing like the cool chick I once knew.”

  “How is she different?” Raina asked. She had her own experience and therefore ideas, but was interested to see how Bev viewed it.

  Bev glanced at her. “How is she not? Your mother was fun, fearless, the life of the party. And your father? Girlllll . . . when those two met . . .”

  “You knew my dad?”

  “Everybody on the Vine knew Albert. He could take that saxophone and blow your mind. It’s a shame that he left you the way he did. He was so happy that you were his little girl. I know that he loved you. He probably just got out there, bright lights, big city, and got swept away. I lived in New York a couple years. You can get swallowed in those places. I know because it almost happened to me.”

  “Did you wait tables with Mom?”

  “Shit,” Bev exclaimed, drawing out the word until it sounded like a song. “I was the reason your Mama had customers to serve. I’m a singer,” she continued, pulling into the McFaddens’ drive. She burst into an R & B number. Perfect tempo. Perfect key.

  “‘No more drama’ . . . oops, my bad. You can’t hear that kind of song.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I bet it is. You sneak and listen, don’t you?”

  Raina shyly nodded. “I knew it!” Bev said with a laugh. “You’re Jennifer’s daughter and that girl loves her some Mary J. Blige.”

  Raina checked for the spare key, then reached for the door. “Thanks for the ride, Miss . . .”

  Bev gave her a look.

  Raina laughed.... Beverly.” Monica’s mother reminded Raina of how hers used to be.

  “Tell your mom I said hi and to not be a stranger. And bring that little girl into the clinic. There’s a strain of flu that’s pretty bad this year. We’ll get her checked out.”

  Bev passed on her number to give to Jennifer. Raina took it, thanked her again, and tucked the card in her pocket as she walked up the sidewalk. She doubted her mother would reach out to Beverly, but felt too embarrassed to tell her. Jennifer only interacted with the women of Illumination. Raina would call Beverly before her mom picked up the phone.

  Chapter 12

  Another day passed without Raina hearing from the Council. Raina returned to Jackie’s house, did homework and discussed the English project in Jackie’s room. When Valarie came home from work and said they’d talk over dinner, Raina immediately dreaded the conversation. By the sound of Valarie’s voice, it couldn’t be good news.

  “Have you talked with your mother?” Valarie asked, around a bite of spaghetti.

  “No.”

  “What about that meeting with the church leaders?”

  “I haven’t heard back from the Council yet.”

  “So how does this work, this put-your-daughter-out-and-never-talk-again business? How long are you supposed to navigate life on your own?”

  Raina shrugged. “Not long, I hope.”

  “I don’t mean to talk about your parents or make you feel bad. But what if you hadn’t known Jackie, or I didn’t have room? What would you have done then?”

  Again, Raina didn’t have an answer. The Book of Light said all answers were written in the stars. Too bad you had to be an elder to read them.

  “I’m sorry to see you go through this, Raina. You seem like a good girl with a good head on your shoulders. But I’m headed to Chicago next week for a conference. Knowing Bryce’s hardhead friends, I barely trust leaving Jackie here. The only reason I do is because when it comes to his favorite cousin, he’s a bigger boyfriend police than I am. What I’m not sure of is how well he can police himself and his penis.”

  “Mom!” Jackie exclaimed as Raina’s hand flew to her mouth.

  “Please. When hormones get to raging, ain’t enough church in the world . . . You’re probably not as fast as Jackie,” she halfway teased. “And while I know you think that nothing will happen, I can’t in good conscience leave you here with Bryce as your chaperone. One minute you’ll be saying no and the next Bryce will be passing out cigars in the hospital ward talking about whoop, there it is.”

  “Ha! That was funny, Mama.”

  Raina was about to be homeless. She wasn’t laughing at all.

  “I empathize with your situation, especially what you’re dealing with the Illumination. I’ve represented a client who had a run-in with one of your members, and couldn’t believe some of what I learned.”

  “Nothing would happen, Ms. McFadden,” Raina pleaded. “I promise.”

  “I know you believe that. I did too.” Valarie nodded toward Jackie. “The very night she was conceived.”

  “For real, Mama.”

  “Hey, I’m just saying . . .”

  Valarie studied Raina another moment, watched her shoulders fall into a dejected slump. “Tell you what. I’m not going to leave you out on the streets. My mother lives not far from here. Have you met her?” Valarie turned to Jackie. “Has she met your grandma?”

  “Once,” Jackie said.

  “When she brought that pound cake to the school,” she continued, looking at Raina. “Remember?”

  Raina nodded. “She’s rather hard to forget.”

  “That’s my mama,” Valarie said, with a laugh. “She’ll curse you out one minute and feed you the next, but she’s a good woman with a special heart for children. She’ll take care of you like you’re one of her own.”

  “Don’t do it,” Jackie teased, her voice playfully somber. “You think Mama’s scary. Nanny’s no joke! I’m playing, Raina. I love my nanny. But when she finds out you’re with those people,” Jackie said with air quotes, “she’s going to have a thing or three to say about it.”

  “Ooh, she’s going to have a field day,” Valarie added.

  “Just saying,” Jackie said. “You’ve been warned.”

  “Stop scaring that girl,” Valarie said, suppressing a smile.

  * * *

  Two hours later, Raina found herself in a field of flowers, courtesy of the floral-inspired décor in Christine Clark’s guest room. Every piece of fabric in the room boasted some type of blossom—roses on the bedspread and sham, exotic bouquets on the curtains and wallpaper borders, daisies on the throw rug covering a hardwood floor, and red sunflowers on the upholstered chair in front of a small desk in the corner.

  “It’s small but comfortable,” Christine said, upon opening the door and pointing to the twin bed against the far wall.

  “It’s fine, Miss Christine. Thank you.”

  “I emptied the two top drawers in that chest for you to put your things. There’s a basket in the closet for your dirty clothes, and extra towels in the hall closet. There’s a plug-in on the wall beneath the desk for your computer. Showing you the rest of the house will take all of five minutes, but we can do that after eating. Speaking of, I need to check on my chicken. Are you hungry?”

  “Not really,” Raina said. “We had spaghetti for dinner.”

  “That was hours ago, while I was talking to Valarie.” Christine looked her up and down. “It doesn’t have to be much, but I’ll fix you a plate. You could use an extra meal or two.”

  It didn’t take Raina long to get settled into the quaint, cozy room. She emptied her suitcases, set up her tablet on the desk, and washed her hands for dinner. She reached the dining room to a table set for two and glasses of cola beside the silverware and took the seat to the left of the head of the table. Christine entered carrying a tray with two plates filled with baked chicken and rice with a side of mixed vegetables. She placed one in front of Raina and set the other one down in front of her chair at the head. She placed a small plate of rolls between them, sat down, and reached a hand toward Raina, who stared at her blindly.

&nbs
p; “Let’s bless the food, child,” Christine said. When Raina didn’t reach up to grab her hand, she continued. “What? You’ve never prayed before?”

  “I’m . . . no.”

  Christine’s eyes narrowed. “You ain’t one of those Lucifers are you?”

  “I’m part of the Illumination,” Raina explained.

  Christine shrieked. “The blood of Jesus!”

  Raina jumped. Christine guffawed. “I’m messing with you, child. Valarie warned me that you were one of those. Don’t bother me none. I prepared for your arrival with a whole bottle of blessed oil. I ain’t afraid of that slew-footed devil. Satan ain’t no match for God. Now, let’s pray.”

  “We don’t . . . do that.”

  “Well, I’m a Christian, and we do,” Christine explained. “So as long as you’re living under my roof and eating at my table, you’re going to have to oblige me.”

  “Oh, okay.” Raina reached up tentatively and took Christine’s hand, then watched with wide, curious eyes as Christine spoke to an unseen Father as if they were best buds, and included Raina.

  “Father, we come thanking you for this food that we’re about to receive for the nourishment of our bodies. We ask that you bless the hands that planted, the ones that prepared, and the ones that partake. I am especially grateful for my house guest, Miss Raina, and ask that you be with her during this time of estrangement from her family. Protect her, Father. Help the family, Lord. Help them heal and move past any misunderstandings that keep them apart. You are not the author of confusion, Lord. So help them see the way clear to come back together. In Jesus’s name.”

  Christine prepared to release Raina’s hand, but she held on tightly. Miss Christine had spoken to whoever it was as though she fully expected an answer.

  “I have a little sister whom I call Shadow. Could you ask him to bless her, too?”